Have You Lost Weight?

We were in Boise, Idaho for the weekend visiting our kids, their friends, and their friend’s parents as nine of us took up a considerable amount of restaurant real estate.  We got our customary hand shakes, hellos, and the how are you sorta stuff out of the way.  Then we sat down to take care of business … indulging in a deep dish combo, Chicago style pizza.

Our daughter’s college roommate’s dad (did you follow that?) asked me if I lost weight recently.  Wow, even with distracting background noise, I had no trouble deciphering that question.  I paused briefly to seriously reconsider pursuing my dream of entering the Mr. Universe competition … as in tomorrow.  That pause was brief as I recalled my vow to keep my shirt on while in public.  (Here’s a morbid thought: if there’s an open casket viewing for me when I die, I’d better be wearing a shirt.  If not, I’m coming back to haunt somebody … and I’ll be shirtless.  Scary!)

He asked me if I lost weight.  What a great question.  I went through the files in my mind … er, well, I really only have one file that I just throw everything into.  So, I went through the one file in my mind and determined that my morning workout could hold the key to my rapid weight loss.

For no extra charge, the following was my morning work out prior to our flight to Boise, Idaho:

• Receive text message from wife, Carrie, asking for me to pack her running shoes that are on the front porch.
• Walk ALL the way across the house to front door.
• Pull open front door and feel those rowing muscles get to work.
• Walk on front porch bending over a few times to check under benches for missing shoes.
• Walk down front stairs.  Confirm no shoes are down there.  Walk back up stairs.
• Walk ALL the way across the house to back deck.
• Pull open back door for another set of rowing muscle workout.
• Walk on back porch bending over a few times to check under patio furniture for missing shoes.
• Return inside house and walk ALL the way over to stairs that descend into garage.
• Walk down garage stairs.  Open garage door (feel the burn).  Confirm that shoes are not in car or by the door.  Walk back up stairs.
• Do not stop, but continue cardio workout by walking up the stairs to the Master Bedroom.
• In the bedroom closet, under a shirt, find one shoe with the shoelace chewed off.  Ask puppy if she knows why the shoe lace is bitten off and ask her if she knows where the other shoe is.  The puppy will not answer which obviously means that she is covering for the cat’s misdeeds.
• Return down stair case to repeat the above workout steps beginning at the front porch.
• Upon returning to the Master Bedroom, locate the missing shoe by the bed and place both shoes in suitcase.
• Text Carrie with an abundance of self praise and hit the shower.

You’re probably exhausted just from reading that.  I realize that there are several steps in the above work out, but it seems effective and has immediate results.  I’m starting to think infomercial here.

To personalize the fun workout plan above, have either your wife or your puppy hide running shoes in separate locations.  Then, have your wife text you with misleading information … and so begins your workout.

Oh, and I almost forgot … I went to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert after eating pizza.  You’ll probably want to include that in your workout plan.  Be sure to repeat often.