Problem Solver

I went out the Reception desk this morning to get a stack of papers that I needed.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that I needed both hands for the task.  This clearly meant that the object I was holding in my right hand would have to be relocated.  As a true problem solver, my eyes darted back and forth between the stack of papers I needed and the lone object in my right hand.  Sensing the time pressure, I knew I needed to do something.  Immediate action was required.  Then, to my amazement, I soon began to see the solution play out before me.  As if by instinct, I found myself stuffing those remaining four or five bites of Snickers Bar into my mouth as one colossal, super-sized bite.

And just like that … done.  Problem solved.    Yep folks, and not really bragging here, but that’s a lot of what I do as a manager all day.  Uh, you know, solve problems that is.

“Ahhhhhh!”  Suddenly, to my horror, I made eye contact with the receptionist as she was returning to her desk.  “Ahhhhhh!”  I screamed again in my mind … because … well, screaming out loud was not a favorable option for me at the time.  Both of my cheeks were freakishly stretched beyond normal capacity.  I gave the receptionist one of those “deer caught in the headlights” looks and hoped beyond hope that this dreaded situation would soon go away.  Various thoughts were racing through my mind … like, why can’t she leave well enough alone?  Can’t she just focus on doing her job?  Why does she hate old people?  I’m hungry.

I prayed for the phone to ring.

The phone never rang.

The awkward silence was finally broken with the sound of the receptionist’s voice.  I was relieved to hear that she only wanted to know if I was eating a Granola Bar.  Ha!  That’s it?  She only wanted to know if I was eating a Granola Bar?  Awkward silence filled the room for a bit longer.  Meanwhile, freshly ground pieces of Snickers Bar enjoyed a trip down their water slide to my slightly overweight stomach.  Eventually, I answered her question then slithered back to my office.

Look people, in my defense, there was a lot of background noise at the time and her question was rather confusing.  Besides, everyone knows that there are plenty of healthy, granola-like peanuts inside a Snickers Bar.  Really now, whether it’s Snickers, granola, or a steak sandwich … there’s not that much difference anyway.

Now leave me alone.  I need to get back to work.