Sunday, April 28, 2013

Eyebrow Hair Happens


I had to remind Carrie of the contract she entered into almost 27 years ago.  Come on, you know the contract.  It was the one with the sickness, health, richer, or poorer stuff in it … yeah, that one.  I’m so glad I had the foresight, in the summer of 1986, to include language requiring her to accept me even though I may one day have a hideously long, slightly grey eyebrow hair that protrudes vigorously and obscenely from my balding forehead.  Have a mental picture yet?  Well, that rogue eyebrow hair language was clearly woven into our deal ... our contract.  It was right there with the ‘til death do us part clause, yet somehow, my wife Carrie, forgot.  I know, I know … yes, it’s a huge oops on her part.  It’s gotta be quite embarrassing for her that she would forget that phrase... I mean, it was a part of our wedding day vows and all.

This morning, however, I willingly chose to rise above the controversy and not dwell on it ... at least very much.  I relinquished my rights, per the 1986 contract, and went ahead and clipped my lone, grotesque eyebrow hair.  And I was even able to forgive Carrie for her curious lapse in memory … yes, quite curious indeed.

I know talking about eyebrow hair is a strange topic for some … well, I guess the topic is strange for all now that I think about it.  But what I am about to share with you is even more strange.  It does not make sense.  Now please pay attention here … I’ve found that somehow, through all these years, Carrie still chooses to be there for me, supporting me, and loving me ... with or without my unsightly eyebrow hair.  Yes, it is strange, but true.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve lived it.  And I honor it and I cherish it.  I am grateful for her love that doesn’t always make sense.

Each day we can choose to cherish life’s small and seemingly insignificant events, like my unexpected eyebrow hair growth.  Whoa, that’s right … I just said you can cherish eyebrow hair growth.  We can choose to love one another regardless of eyebrow hair length, the way we squeeze the toothpaste, the way we forget to take out the garbage, make the bed, or feed the animals.  You get it, right?  It’s all a part of your lifelong journey together.  Embrace it, live it, talk about it, find ways to improve it, and find a way to laugh about it … together.  You can do this.

 May your fairy-tale marriage experience be a happily-ever-after life … just like ours … with or without the unsightly eyebrow hair.

Enjoy life's journey.  And journey together... it's more fun that way.


Sunday, April 21, 2013

They Accepted Me As One Of Their Own


I showered and shaved like it was just another day.  I wore no disguise.  I wasn’t hiding from anyone or anything.  Shoot, it wasn’t like I was going in undercover to observe them.  I had that “here I am” approach, or rather, it was more like an attitude than an approach.  I planned to show up at the event as my nerdy, corporate, accountant self … well, minus my comfortable neck-tie, argyle socks, and handy pocket protector.  I was awake this early Saturday morning to celebrate Earth day.  And my wife decided we were going to celebrate it … outside … together … digging in that stuff called dirt.  (Uh, wait … please edit that last sentence to read, “And my wife and I decided we … blah, blah, blah.  I almost forgot that we decided to do this Earth Day thingy together)

Anyway, Carrie said we could go cure global warming in a day by getting out of the house and volunteering to help plant some trees with a non-profit group called, “Friends of Trees”.  Whoa!  Yes, you read that correctly.  The for-profit, corporate business snob (who also happens to be slightly overweight with a hint of grey hair) was about to get his white tennis shoes and silky-soft hands dirty while planting a few trees ... in all that dirty dirt that he read about in a magazine once.

I was going deep into the wilds of the environmentalism movement.  I was going to observe the rare tree-hugging environmentalists, in their natural habitat, planting trees, … on Earth Day.  And to my pleasant surprise, soon, they would take me in and accept me as one of their own.

We gathered with the Friends of Trees crowd at a public park in Portland, Oregon.  Before we got started with all that saving the earth stuff, we socialized while enjoying the complimentary organic coffee, organic granola bars, and what looked to be various tree bark fragments.  Have you ever tasted tree bark fragments?  Me neither.

They divided us into four groups.  Each group had the day’s necessary equipment laid out in a pile.  The pile contained several shovels, rakes, tree stakes, rope ties, hand held pruners, a broom, a metal stake driver, and a large plastic bucket.  Sure sounded like we had everything, but wait … where were all the chains we’d need to lock ourselves up to trees?  Evidently, this earth day event would not involve any protests.  A bit of a disappointment, but it did not take away from all that Earthy-ness enthusiasm that was in the air.

Our leader asked each person to take a few of the equipment items with them to our tree planting and tree hugging site that was several blocks away.  It seemed, however, that all the other participants arrived by either walking, riding their bikes, or driving their Toyota Priest.  I saw my opportunity to contribute and seized it with force.  I boldly raised my hand and offered my truck as a way to transport the equipment.

What I said was, “I brought my truck and we can use it to load the equipment”.

What the mob heard was, “I brought my gas guzzling, four-wheel drive, over-sized Monster Truck that hates the planet and all the living creatures that inhabit it … and we can use it to load the equipment”.

The horrified crowd hesitated at first, yet soon began loading the back of my truck with equipment.  In addition to the equipment, I found two long-haired, bearded college kids were loaded up back there.  They were active members in the environmental club at their school and chose to load themselves in my evil, earth scorching truck.  Although not chained to my truck, they refused to move ... and it looked like they’d been refusing to shower for a few days too.  It was fascinating.  It was sort of like viewing my first protest.

Upon arriving at the site, I grabbed a shovel as my weapon of choice.  I used it to lean on and assess the daunting task ahead.  And there was much leaning and assessing to do.  Besides, I don't think people would appreciate this middle aged, slightly overweight guy bending over and exposing more of his pasty white back-side then our God intended.  So, while remaining upright and with a somewhat focused determination, I began to dig up the defenseless dirt and create a hole.  The pattern began.  I kept moving to new locations digging up more dirt and created more holes.  My teammates would follow, making sure that a young tree would find a new home in my freshly created void.  That’s what I did, again and again and again.  Move dirt.  Dig hole.  Clearly, this truck driving, accountant, and dare I say environmentalist was on fire ... or moving in a rapid fashion anyway.

The hours seemed like a minute.  Soon, the tree planting project was completed.  We all stepped back as a team and saw a line of freshly planted trees.  We were all proud of our work and rewarded ourselves with smiles, fist bumps, and leftover granola bars.  Obviously, the tree bark fragments were swallowed up too quickly this morning and sadly, there were no leftovers.  But I noticed when our team gathered this time; we all broke our granola bars together.  I ate my granola bars with them and they ate their granola bars with me.  We came together as a smiling, fist-bumping, and granola eating team.  We came together as friends.  And together, we made our Earth a little better this Earth Day.

With our differences and similarities, the environmentalist crowd took me in and accepted me as one of their own.  What just happened here?  Have I found myself a proud, granola eating environmentalist?  Perhaps, but please don’t tell anyone just yet.  I may have overstated that proud part a couple of sentences back.  It's all so overwhelming and I think I may need a little more time for this concept to sink in.

My life may have changed a bit after this Earth Day.  Oh, I still choose to shower and shave daily … that part will never change.  And it’s important to understand that I liked trees then and I like trees now.  It’s just that … well, I guess I have a heightened awareness and appreciation for our environment.

And I’m not afraid to eat a granola bar or hug a tree now and then … but only when nobody’s watching.

OK … that’s it.  Confession’s over people.  Move along now.  There’s nothing to see here.